Teletubbies, Enya, Sarah McLachlan and Alanis
Morisette. Harbingers to the downfall of
western civilization.
When characters named "Tinky Winky, Laa Laa, Dipsy,"
and "Po" are allowed to exist, you know it's time for war. What the hell is
wrong with people these days? It's
getting to the point where I can't even go outside safely without weilding a
shotgun to ward off all the bullshit.
I'm telling you, we need to get rid of a few people or a million. Another war
would be perfect. War builds character.
Hell, it doesn't even have to be a war. I'd be
content with genocide. I say we line up all the corporate executives, mimes,
celebrities, and all those other fat bastards that walk around like their shit
doesn't stink, and then systematically flog the hell out of them.
To the untrained eye, I may appear to be a poor candidate for a humanitarian.
But am I really? All I want is for people to pull their heads out of their
ass. Is that too much to ask for?
Pulling your head out of your ass is easy! Simply use this three step plan:
First, go outside and
peel off that "Mean People Suck" sticker off of
your shitty new car, gather
all of your precious brand name clothing along with all that
hip music you bought because you were a fool, and burn
them entirely. Next, realize that you were a moron for buying all that
crap in the first place, and finally, never buy into any more of that bullshit
ever again. That's all you need to do to upgrade your status from dipshit to
jackass in my book (next step is shit face, don't stop now!).
320,466 people agree, war is great!
•
Tweet