To kick off season 2 of The Best Show in the Universe, I got tired of dealing with pompous New Yorkers and decided to take them down a peg. This doesn't mean I hate New York, but I know all you slobbering, crybaby losers are going to bitch anyway. Considering all things I could have shit on about NYC, I let you off lightly.

And before you have an anger-induced paroxysmal fit, Time reports that there are over 13,000 bodegas in New York, and my own research has found that there are fewer than 100 "real" grocery stores in New York (yes, even counting shitty-ass Gristedes and C-Town). So that accounts for less than 0.7% of places people buy their groceries. I'm right, you're wrong and you can all feast on my dick, which is stocked in ample supply in your grocer's deli aisle. Just not in New York.

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