Win the war and make big savings:
Win the war and make big savings:
I was wandering around aimlessly at work the other day when I saw a
group of co-workers watching a video of some war footage in Afghanistan.
It was a good opportunity to be unproductive, so naturally I stood there and
watched. The video was in black and white, and was shot from the point of
view of the gunship as it fired explosive rounds at
people. There was a little cross hair on the screen, and you could hear
chatter of the pilot as he dropped the bombs.
Every time the pilot clicked the trigger button, it resulted in an explosion
a few seconds later. They were literally firing thousands of rounds per
minute, easily using hundreds of thousands of dollars in ammunition
on people; not tanks, not turrets, not even jeeps, but people. So
this gave me an idea: rather than using $100,000 worth of ammo, why don't
we take $100,000, convert it to pennies,
then drop the pennies on people instead? You could get 10 million
pennies for $100,000, which
should be able to fill at least 40 bags full of pennies. Thus we could drop
bags of pennies more frequently than bombs, which could mean big
savings for our military. Hell, you don't even have to
drop them in bags to kill people. You could tape the pennies together 10 at a
time and drop them from a height of 5,000 feet and kill damn near everything
on the ground (and in a war on terrorism™, this is exactly what
you'd want to do).
The military probably won't consider this idea because it's too
good. Realistically, the military will probably continue to drop
traditional bombs. However, it's a well-known fact that a percentage of
bombs we drop every year won't detonate. When we're talking about bombs
that cost over $100,000, that could add up quickly, so what can we do in
case the bombs don't go off? Simple: strap bombs to the back of german
shepherds:
I call it: operation penny-drop. It's the perfect way to win a war. Even
the hippies won't be bitching
because after the war is over and we've killed all the terrorists, the
people who are still alive can rebuild their country by picking the pennies
from the skulls of the dead people.
Not only will we have won the war, but we don't even have to worry about paying
war reparations. It's the perfect plan because everybody wins. We
kill all the evil terrorists, and give them some of our own currency to
rebuild their country with. Eventually when we open the first Starbucks
in their country, we won't even have to worry about currency exchange
because they can use the left-over money to buy beverages, and
let's face it, who could resist an ice cold frappuccino after a long war?
The idea is that if the bomb doesn't go off, and the german shepherd's back doesn't break, then the enemy would be in for a nasty surprise when they'd try to retrieve our weapons. Sure a few dogs would die as collateral damage, but it would totally be worth it to see the expression on the terrorist's face when they get attacked by our german shepherds. The CIA could capture this with spy satellites and put together a "Terrorist Bloopers" video, which could mean more money for our military. I can't believe nobody thought of this idea until now.
708,777 military commanders think these ideas rule and are considering deploying operation penny-drop.
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