So I was sitting there the other day watching my girlfriend change the oil in my car, and I was getting pissed because she kept struggling when she tried to unscrew the filter. I was even more pissed than usual because I was playing videogames as I supervised her from inside the house, until I finally had to put the controller down and go outside to yell at her.

I stood out there in my underwear on a Saturday morning screaming at the top of my lungs. Then my neighbor, who's a total pussy, comes by and says "you shouldn't be yelling at your girlfriend like that." I wasn't going to stand there and just take it, so I socked him one right in the colon. His wife was bringing groceries inside when this happened, and as if it wasn't bad enough that I had to stop playing video games to go outside and yell, now this bitch was screaming at me like it was my fault.

I couldn't understand what she was shrieking about, as she was flapping her arms in the air and screaming. She started crying when she saw the busted colon I gave her pussy husband, so she took one of her shoes off and threw it at me. I caught the shoe between my pecs and I started to laugh like a pirate. Then she started walking towards me to take her shoe back, and there was no way I was going to let this bitch get near my chest so I body slammed her into a cactus that happened to be there. She got up and was uglier than before, so I did what I always do when women start to cry: I went back inside to play video games.

That wasn't the end of it though, it turns out the cranky old hag across the street saw all of this going on, so she came over to do what women do best: bitch. When I opened the door she was standing there in a partly transparent night gown, and it totally ruined the prospect of having a boner for at least 50 years. I was just starting to change my mind about the night gown when she started screeching at me and her stupid cat that she was holding started to hiss. So I took the cat and punted it over my neighbor's fence. She started crying "oh no! My cat! What have you done with my cat?!" I was laughing my ass off, then the bitch tried to scratch me so I gave her a round house kick and dislocated her hip. I was laughing so hard I shit my pants.

948,956 people have commended me for busting my neighbor's hip.

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