I was assaulted by a vegetarian at work the other
day. A girl was walking by as I was eating beef jerky, so I thought I'd
offer her a piece. Suddenly she goes into super-bitch mode and says "I don't
eat meat," and gave me an ultra crusty look (like someone just took a shit on
her face). I'm tired of being treated like a criminal by these meat-deprived
idiots.
To help you better understand the mentality of these saps, I've put together
a rough outline of what I think are the three main types of vegetarians:
Vegan/Nazi: This type of vegetarian not only
doesn't
eat
meat, but he or she will try to impose their beliefs onto you with propaganda
on TV and radio stations. Vegetarians of this type are commonly afflicted
with accute bitching syndrome, or ABS. This is a mental disease not unlike
feminism. It causes the victim to bitch about people who choose to
eat meat. All animal products are boycotted by this group of fascists.
Anti-Meat Vegetarian/Dumbass: This is the most
common type of vegetarian. A vegetarian of this type will not eat any beef,
poultry, or fish products (less cheese and milk because they're irrational).
The ones that keep to themselves aren't a major
problem, as they're usually stupid, close minded, and fragile because
all of that "organic health food" bullshit has made them weak. On a side note,
these types of vegetarians are very fun to tease. Occasionally, you'll find
a vegetarian who has backed him or herself into mental corner, so afraid to
hurt or kill something that they'll even try to avoid stepping on bugs--
because bugs are living things, and they have feelings too... right? Bwahaha.
Worthless.
Pseudo-Vegetarian/Coward: This is possibly
the worst kind of vegetarian. He or she will only eat poultry or
fish products. The only rational explanation for this is
that these types of people don't actually care about animals or animal rights,
but rather they're looking for a convenient way to lose weight, and they try
to make themselves feel like heros while they're at it by not eating beef.
This is completely inane and it accomplishes nothing. If I was an eco-idiot
vegetarian, my mentality would be "I won't eat meat because killing animals
is cruel, and they don't deserve to suffer blah blah blah.." It doesn't
make sense to me that eating chicken and fish is okay, but eating beef is
somehow less human, as if chickens and fish suffer less than cows, pigs,
whales, and any other animal these idiots won't eat. Fools. This type of
vegetarian not only doesn't have the will power to be a full
vegetarian, but sometimes even has the gall to criticize the morals of
people who eat all types of animals.
There are many different types of vegetarians, but I believe all of them fall
into one of the three major categories, and all of them fall under the
main category of "Asshole" (not the good kind).
I can't help but compare vegetarians to hippies
and other such do-gooder bullshit. I can't wait until they day science might
discover that plants and trees have feelings, so that all
these morons will have to either starve to death or live with the fact that
suffering is unavoidable.
I may have to share this planet with
animals, but I'm doing my damn best to eat every last one of them.
199,469 people think I'm a jerk, and that I should be eaten.
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