Another E3 wrapped up and I did a kickass job of covering everything you need to see. Some of you might be saying, "but Maddox where's the new Destiny expansion pack DLC downloadable bullshit?" Read the previous sentence, shit puck.
I covered everything that was worth seeing at E3 and went down there for two full days, fighting hordes of nerds to bring you this coverage.
New this year: I encountered a hardass security guard who insisted on checking everyone's ID, even though enforcement of this rule was spotty. She was being a Triple-A bitch by asking attendees to provide IDs that were in English.
Normally that wouldn't matter, except E3 is attended by thousands of Japanese business men and people who work in the industry, so you come across as a drippy dick by being a girl scout. It smacked of discrimination, because it was.
There were a few other cool games worth mentioning like Melter Man made by alum of the University of Utah. Also the Last Guardian trailer looks cool as shit. I didn't get any of my own live footage because they had that shit sealed away
behind closed doors--where all good word-of-mouth marketing occurs. Idiots. Call of Duty: Black Ops 3 was plastered all over the convention center and nobody cared. Drawn to Death is a game that uses a notebook paper aesthetic for
the first-person shooter genre. Too bad it's free-to-play which means the opposite (if the free-to-play casual market is any indication, you'll be paying constantly).
There was a whole bunch of virtual reality shit at the convention but I didn't want to wait in line for an hour to put a sweaty pair of goggles on my face. Mario Maker kicks ass, and so does Gang Beast. Yeah, I know it's been available
on Steam, but it's finally coming to a console so shut your ungrateful mouths. It was one of the best things I played at E3. Okay I'm done writing because I'm tired of thinking about E3.
I give this E3 wrap-up:
221,517 people were turned away by E3 security for not having English IDs.
Back to how much I rule...
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