I was in the bathroom the other day. I walked up to a urinal, and started to do my duty. Then some guy comes up to the urinal next to me, and all of a sudden he started talking to me! There's nothing worse than a mid-stream conversation in a bathroom. There's just something unsettling about talking to another guy while your unit is exposed. It's just not right.

So there I am. He's standing there, talking to me while I take a piss. The worst part of it is that I know he was trying to take a peak. I'm way too insecure to be talking to another guy while he's holding his lizard. What did he have to say that couldn't wait until we were washing our hands to tell me? More of the same old bullshit: "Hey, how's it going.." "It's snowing outside.." "My wife's due in September." You know, all the filler stuff people say to help them forget their miserable lives.

After the incident, I rushed home and scrubbed myself with steel wool and turpentine. I didn't want any warts or anything (you never can be too careful if you talk to another guy while he's holding his lizard).

While I'm at it, I must say, looking at a guy's monkey while he's taking a leak should be universal grounds for kicking someone's ass. Any cases of assault taken to court for the matter should be immediately dismissed. If you take a peak, you get your ass kicked. That's just something you don't do. Also, I'd just like to say that sitting down to pee makes you less of a man.

216,936 people had my foot planted up their asses for talking to me mid-stream.

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