How do you dumbasses manage to breathe?

Yes, it was April Fool's last week you morons.

Last week I decided to do something I hadn't done before by posting an April Fool's prank on my site. I started writing it around midnight, and there was a point when I sat staring at the obnoxious white background and thought to myself "this is too obvious, nobody could possibly be dumb enough to fall for this shit." After all, if the "Mr. Clean" parody icon (a not-so-subtle nod towards my new direction in content), the use of "LOL, ROFLMAO, FAG," relaxed grammar and spelling, and the fact that the articles were dated "04-01-04" didn't give it away, there were still a lot of hints thrown in everywhere.

For example, see if you can spot the clue in the URL of every article:

Give up? Here's another hint:

Alas, I found that all my attempts were in vain. I posted my article around 8 AM MST on April 1st, here's a log of everything that happened that day:

8:15 AM - April Fool's article posted.

8:21 AM - First email received:

Hey Maddox,
I think your website's been hacked. Just wanted to bring it to your attention.

Suspecting it was a prank from someone playing along, I chuckled mildly and gave the guy the benefit of doubt thinking "nah, nobody could be this stupid."

8:23 AM - Email #2 and #3:

2: what happened!? i open the page and its white and colorful! howard stern
is off the air and now this!
3: WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED?!! Has your site been hacked?

Still unsure, but becoming less doubtful by the minute: my worst fears are about to be confirmed.

8:24 AM - Trying to rationalize:

What happened to your page? Why did you start using stuff like 'LOL'? and since when is your page 'one of the best' and not THE best? Are you sick? Got a girlfriend? Did you get hacked? And why do you all of a sudden respect other people's opinion? Maybe you're on drugs?
If it's sarcasm, I don't get it...

I have a feeling that sarcasm isn't the only thing you don't "get."

8:26 AM - Is it a coincidence?

It sucks so much shit. I don't see why you would degrade yourself like this. Changing the badass pirate to some old balding crusting hippy. That looks like the Mr.Clean guy.

Nothing gets past you, sleuth:

8:55 AM - The girlfriend theory - Email #6 - #9:

6: Let me guess, you have a lady friend there whipping the hell out of you and making your life hell. Is she controlling this site now? Cmon man, get your balls back and get your site back to the way it was.
7: Have you gone insane?
8: I am starting to debate whether or not you have a vagina. I guess you took too many testosterone pills to balance out the insane amount of estrogen that is in your body. What happened to degrading women? I bet you disgraced all men on the face of this earth and actually got married, but are too big of a pussy to tell everyone. That is why updates are sporadic and scarce. Prior, you used to bang out articles daily, or near to it. Now it takes you weeks and the outcomes are pure shit. You are probably so whipped your wife pays your ISP bill and she won't let you publish anything that is derogatory towards women. Lose the ball and chain and grow some fucking balls. You have officially hit rock bottom, and I hope you die.
9: nice going with the new site, sellout. your a twat i hope you get arthritis very soon and stop poisoning innocent web surfers with such a stain point of view such as yourown. Go and have sex with a girl man , looks like your only chance out of being a retard.
PS I hope you get cancer

Wow.

9:15 AM - My new layout looks like a homosexual(?):

Your site was awesome, now it looks all, homo. You're becoming a hippie.

9:22 AM - Desperation:

Your site is officially shit now. I can't believe you changed something so perfect. At first I thought it was supposed to be funny. Then I realized that you must be serious. Totally lame guy, totally lame. Go back to the old. It worked really well. For the love of god, just go back to the way it was.

Idiot.

9:45 AM - Long time fan, still clueless:

Maddox, What in the god damn fuck happened to your website? I typed in your address looking for a hateful rant on some assholes, when I saw shit like "current mood: LOL thoughtful currently listening to: blink 182..."
What in the fuck is wrong with you? Did you get a hippy girlfriend or are you trying to piss everyone of your fans off? This shit better be temporary, or I will start my own website raging on your new shitty hippy website.
Please email me back saying you did this while high or some other real excuse. Long time fan, really pissed off

11:00 AM - Maybe your computer is the problem?

Unless my computer is messed up or you changed your site, there is some loser that has a website named "One of the Better Pages in the Universe". I am going to feel pretty stupid if you already know about this and have dealt with the problem. Or if that is your site and you just totally changed the way you type.

I have some bad news: you're going to feel pretty stupid either way. Yeah, your computer somehow has a bug in it that causes it to arbitrarily change text, images, and my entire website layout on its own. You win the dumbass award, permanently.

12:05 PM - Email #500 & #501:

500: what the fuck is with your page? has it been hacked or have you turned into a queer?
501: I was checking out your site today, and I am noticing something different about your site. You used to be totally anal about people's spelling, grammer, and general bad writing. But on this new page, I notice that you are not using any caps at all, and are even using shortened words and letters for words. It's like you did it on purpose.

Let's recap: my site is completely different, I have very obviously broken just about every rule I stand for, and it's APRIL FOOL'S DAY. There are only two possibilities: either I turned gay, or my site was hacked. Brilliant conclusion. The second email flirts with the obvious, but veers away at the last second into a head-on collision with the idiot mobile carrying a full load of dumbass.

1:15 PM - Dumbass finally gets it:

SHIT! I just realized that was an April Fools joke. Damn, that was a good one!

Congratulations, moron.

6:45 PM - The idiot brother theory #1002, #1146:

#1002: did dsome lamo take over your site or something? Or did you smelly brother invade your computer? You never typed like that in your articles, and if this website is not you, then go kick that guys ass.
#1146: It appears as though your younger illiterate humorless brother has hijacked your site.

Agreed.

7:00 PM - A stupid question:

what was with that april fools site thing? please email me back, i was really confussed, i probally sound like an idiot for not knowiung but what thanks.

You're right, you do sound like an idiot for not "knowiung." Not exclusively either, don't get your hopes up.

10:55 PM - I'm a homo:

What in the hell happened to your page. You went from funny, edgy and controversial to big homo. What's with all the peace and parachutes? And Do you like my page, I hope you do. Since when do you say LOL like some dumb fuck that uses messenger programs too much. What's with Mr. Clean image? What's with all the white and blue. The soft coulors. You over use the word fag in all your articles. It makes me think that you are one. This is so gay, I will never come back. Even your commentaries suck. They're short, they're not even witty anymore. You've just become a huge queer.

I can only hope that you never return. Good job on pointing out my obvious overuse of the word "fag," I'll take your lead and try to only use it 4 times per paragraph from now on. Bigot.

Over 2000 people emailed me over the course of the day, most of whom asked the same few questions over and over again. Finally, I received this email on April 2nd, after I changed my site back to normal and posted a big link at the top of my site to the "April Fool's Day" page:

hey maddox, i think your site was hacked yesterday. either that or it was an april fools joke. just letting you know. thanks

After reading a few thousand emails like the ones above, I seriously contemplated taking down my site and just posting links to animal porn for you retards. You're all idiots, and I've lost what little respect I had for you.

2,726,215 morons didn't know it was April Fool's Day in spite of the obvious hints.

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